Yesterday, someone called me fat. Today, I’m writing about it. (obvi).
It was an offhand comment, he didn’t walk up saying “Dang girl, dat ass tho” or anything like that. But it was kinda shocking to me that this is a thing…
We were in lab, and my station is in front of the board. I was bending over taking some notes, and he was trying to take a picture of the notes on the board.
Him: “Hey Amy, move your fat butt.”
Not what I thought I would hear. Yeah, it was meant to be a joke. And that’s what really bothered me. Luckily, I had a quick response…something to the tune of:
Me: “Excuse me but no, I like my butt and I work very hard for it. Next time, try nice butt…or bubble butt.”
My brain right now….ARE YOU F-ING SERIOUS. But class was pretty much continuing like normal, a few people overheard, namely his female lab partner (who is very pretty), my lab professor and my lab partner.
Him: “What? It’s not like you even lift.”
Bro do you even lift? Really. Yup I do. Right? And then we started to have a pretty nice conversation. I told him I’m training for a bodybuilding competition and he wanted to know the details, and knew a bit about them.
But I was still pretty bothered. I mean really, he was BOTHERED by the fact that he was uncomfortable to compliment the way I looked, or just to be polite? News flash, it may not be the case for some, but in a generally-nice society compliments go much further than criticisms. Yes, I’m married. But that still doesn’t mean I don’t like compliments telling me I look good. I’m an extrovert for goodness sake, and it’s affirming when someone besides my husband calls me beautiful.
But really, I was thinking about the core of the issue…it wasn’t that someone else called me “fat” it was that I call myself that, a lot. I stand in the mirror and poke and prod and tell myself I need to “tone up” here or there as a perfectionist.
I know I am beautiful. Standing up for myself showed that. And I don’t think a few months, nay, a few weeks ago I would have been strong enough to stick up for myself. I probably would have sat in my car and cried.
Like honestly, I feel like calling anyone “fat” or using the word even as a joke is like the new “retard” or “retarded.” Or, heaven’s sake if someone asks me when/if I’m pregnant….but I digress.
Obesity is a hugely difficult struggle, it’s not like a mental illness that can be hidden to most. People see it, and body dysmorphia is so real. Right now I’m reading Amy Schumer’s book, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo. Get it, read it..actually listen to it, so good. Anyway, she mentions in one chapter how she used to wish she had an eating disorder, not knowing her sister suffered silently. How many girls have done that? I know I did. And it’s terrible.
Why is it so hard to compliment? Why does that embarass us? Why am I writing this post? I want to do something, I want to change this way of thinking. I want people to be fucking bothered because “fat” comments are retarded. (There, now did I get your attention? OMG SHE SAID RETARDED!!! wake up, people, “FAT” should have the same ummmMMMUUMM MUMMMMMMMM reaction — you know what I’m talking about…classic playground trouble noise.)
So let me be clear. People do struggle with weight. Pretty much everyone does. And I am in a unique position that now I am working to tone, and pound loss comes along with it…but to others I may look “skinny” or “fat” but I’m on my own road, so eyes in your lane buddy. And ya’ll…let’s just be nice, ok? And appreciate people’s goals…wherever they are. I at least try to, but I am not perfect. I can tell you that I celebrate just as much knowing someone went to the gym or plugged in a DVD all on their own than if someone lost 10 lbs…because we are all on our journey, and we need support to make it to destination…because I’ve got BIG. FAT. GOALS.